November 16, 2011

I had to work late tonight, so I was digging in my archives for something to put up, as I knew I wouldn’t have time to go anywhere because I have to get up and do this shit all over again tomorrow. Sometimes when I go digging through my old files I find things I completely forgot I did and  this happened tonight. I found two covers, a back cover and an interview I did with a bartender for a magazine I published in 2004. The magazine was called Bar Crawl and my idea was to do a TV Guide-sized publication all about New York bars, bartenders and the people inside of them. Yes, 95% of my ideas revolve around bars and drinking.

My idea was to give them away in the bars you wrote about and try to get them to advertise in them. I also thought other advertising possibilities could be beer companies, cigarettes, liquor and who knows, maybe even hooker/massage ads like the Village Voice runs. If they can’t pay, hey, take it out in trade!

So I did the first issue, it was a ton of work, I couldn’t sell any ads (I suck at selling ads and I’m terrible at business), it was a pain in the ass dropping them off at bars (although I did get a lot of free drinks while do so) and I got as far as designing the cover for the second issue and decided to try something else. I wrote my Fire Truck book, then started blogging on MySpace and I’ve been online ever since.

I didn’t think I had any of Bar Crawl backed up, but I found the two covers and an interview I did with a bartender, so here they are. Enjoy!

This is the first cover. It’s a picture of John Lennon snorting a bottle of Coke from a scene in “A Hard Day’s Night.” I never noticed it until I was watching the movie in the ‘80’s all fucked up on coke and booze and at first I thought I was hallucinating! The cover lines are fairly nonsensical.

Here’s the back cover of the first issue, I was hoping to sell it as an ad, but I had no takers, so I put up this picture I took of five girls at a horrific frat bar on the Upper West side called, Bourbon Street. They were in various stages of drunkenness and the one on the end couldn’t even talk. I remember saying to her, “Your parents must be so gosh-darned proud of you!” Sadly the sarcasm was lost in translation. And the kicker is that it was just 5PM on a Sunday afternoon! I have a feeling she didn’t make any of her classes on Monday.

This is the second cover for the issue that never was. I thought I’d do a bathroom themed issue and was thrilled when I found this picture of Diana Ross shooting up on a toilet from the film, “Lady Sings The Blues.” I wanted to do a bathroom issue because it was issue number two. Get it? Bathrooms, number two, hello, anybody out there, Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...

The only other thing I found besides the covers are some photos and an interview with Dani Marco who was a bartender and had the distinction of being Ms. Rheingold. She was really nice and it was a fun interview, even though I couldn’t quit obsessing over the fact that she got free Rheingold for a year! Oh and Rheingold never did buy an ad, they went out of business about a year later I believe. Anyhoo, here’s the interview.

Hey Bartender!
Dani Marco wears many hats and one tiara. She’s a seasoned young actor having appeared on national TV, on stage and in film. In addition Dani has studied and taught dance and was voted Miss Rheingold of 2004. In between all this activity she still finds time to bartend occasionally at 13 Little Devils Bar on the lower east side. And that’s exactly where we found her catching her breath after just wrapping up filming a national ad for Macy’s Department store.

So how long have you been a bartender here at 13 Little Devils?
Oh God, since the inception. I’ve been here since the beginning of the bar a couple of years ago.
Is it a good gig to have as far as the acting career goes?
It’s a great gig, because it’s nighttime work. I?can audition during the day.
Do you have flexible hours here?
Yeah, it all depends on the acting jobs. I’m more or less a freelance bartender. (Laughs) Everything I do is freelance.

You were crowned Miss Rheingold last year, how has that gone for you?
It’s been really fun. It’s very  cool to be part of a classic New York business.
Do you drink Rheingold?
I like it. And I get free Rheingold, so that’s cool.
You get free Rheingold all year?
Yeah.
All year?
Yep. But I don’t drink a whole lot, so they got off easy with me.
Jesus, free beer for a year, they’d be broke if it was me. So let me get this straight, you just order it and you get it free?
Yeah I can order it and they’ll send it to my house.
I’d go nuts if I had that deal. (Ed. note: Notice how I can’t let this go. I sound like some sort of alcoholic dork.) So you could just call right now and order four cases and they’d bring them.
Yeah, that’s all I have to do.
Wow, that boggles my mind.
It’s a nice perk.
Do you get to keep your Miss Rheingold tiara?
I don’t know. It’s kind of fun, I never thought I’d wear one in my life.
You ought to try and sell it on Ebay.
Actually there’s a lot of Rheingold collectibles for sale on Ebay.
So  your Miss Rheingold reign is just about over?
Yes, I’ll be passing it on to the next winner.
So what advice do you have for the next Miss Rheingold?
Umm...get a gym membership. (laughs) No, I’m just kidding. Just enjoy it, you know? The Rheingold people are really laid back, they want it to be fun. The promotional appearances are always a good time and I got to be in the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island which was a blast.
Are you going to continue to do anything with Rheingold in the future.
Yeah, I’m going to keep drinking it. (Laughs)

Sounds good. Getting back to bartending, what’s the best tip you’ve ever gotten?
It was this young kid in a suit and tie and he was armed with his company’s gold express card. He was trying to impress this girl, so he’s buying expensive drinks and eventually bought a bottle of Dom Perignon. When he got the tab he tipped me $300! I?couldn’t believe it. Hopefully he still had his job after he turned in that expense report.
Okay, what’s the best tip you’ve ever gotten as far as the acting career goes?
I cut out a quote that I love. It reads: You’re unique, develop a method of your own. It was in Backstage. It’s taped to my mirror.
What are some highlights of your acting career up to this date?
I don’t know if this is a highlight, but I just finished filming a national TV commercial for Macy’s, so I’m excited about that.
You’ve acted in some movies, right?
Oh yeah, one of them went national, Games People Play: New York. I had a lead role in that film, so that was exciting.
And didn’t Richard Roeper single you out when him and Ebert reviewed it on their show?
Yeah, that was so cool. The publicist for the film had seen the transcripts of the show in advance and called me and said, “You might want to tape the Ebert and Roeper show this week.” They reviewed the movie and Richard Roeper says, “But I’ll tell you, you mentioned two of these actors, I think this Dani Marco in particular she could be a star.  I don't know if she’s playing this character or it’s really her or whatever the case may be...” and I about fell out of my chair. That was a nice moment.

No kidding, that’s great. Well I just have one last question, how do you make a Tom Collins?
(Laughs) I have no idea. That’s kind of a senior drink, isn’t it?
I didn’t want one anyway. I think it’s named after Phil Collins dad.
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Okay, hopefully tomorrow I’ll get out of work on time and I’ll go out on a Wednesday in search of a swizzle stick. See you tomorrow, after dark.

Further reading: It’s A Sickness, The Daily Beast and Business Insider.

Hey Bartender, hey man look here,
Draw one, two, three, four glasses of beer.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)