The Gate
I hate the gate! You have to take off your shoes, which is always a tricky feat after a few morning cocktails and there’s always a hassle. Today it involved some guy who was pissed off that he couldn’t take two quarts of Fanta grape soda on his flight with him. He looked straight out of central casting for the movie, “Deliverance.” This river don’t go to Aintry, Mister.
I had to get my wallet x-rayed for some reason and then I was put to the side and was told I would have to be, “pat down.”
I dutifully put my hands up in the air, got patted down by a grizzled, old veteran of airport screening duties. When I asked if it was extra for a happy ending, he just scowled at me. I took my wallet and bag and ran to the gate which was just boarding...
6 Comments
Reader Comments (6)
Here is a little security tip Marty, ALWAYS have an erection when going through security. If they ask what is in your pants just let them know that its something that you are "gonna take care of on the plane."
@Reggie: Ha ha ha! Nice tip, it makes me think of the cucumber scene in Spinal Tap!
I hope the X-Ray on your wallet didn't fuck up the condom that's been in it since 1994.
Have a safe trip back Daddio!
Great 'Goin' Back' blogs the past few days!
Our ex-governor, Jesse 'The Bod' AKA Jesse 'The Mind' Ventura is still smoldering about how the TSA tweeked his balls in a pat-down after his hip implant set off the metal detector...
@Jaws: Considering The Bod's history of steroid abuse, I think the TSA deserves some Kudos. Finding Jesse's tiny balls is no small feat.
@"Boris:" That condom turned to dust years ago! Thanks, Daddio, we'll catch up soon!
@Jaws: No wonder he got in trouble, smoldering is not allowed on airplanes in this day and age!
@csp: Ha ha ha! Rubber balls and liquor.