April 19, 2011
Hang on to your seats everybody, it’s time for the godamned thing that I can’t let go even though it’s the blog equivalent of beating a dead horse with a two year old tennis racket 10th excitement-packed edition of the Papaya Wars!
Last week The King held on to the number one spot for the third week in a row! Will he still be at the number one spot when this visit is done? Only time will tell, let’s head into another fucking hot dog stand battle and may the best Papaya come out on top! Banzai!
And it's off we go. I know you're probably sick of me bitching about the weather, but I'm still in a winter coat over here! I wish it would warm up already.
(Inside joke alert!) Walking past one of the city's many dollar pizza stores, I spied this fellow trying to snort salt off of the table. Three words: ROCK AND ROLL!
There's a familiar light ahead!
Signpost ahead...let the battle begin...
They have an extensive Papaya menu inside.
Everything looks good in here.
They have corndogs, but I can't face them again for awhile after that cold one in Times Square. Ecch!
I opted out for the regular Papaya dog and this gentlemen happily served it up.
There's tables in here, but no chairs. Let's settle in.
The hot dog looks good, but I forgot the vodka for the drink. Fuck! No patented Screwdapaya tonight.
Let's check out the signage in this place.
Oh, oh! Repeat signage, that's going to cost them valuable judging points!
Now wait a goddamned second! Whether you're hungry or broke? So you can just shuffle in here broke and stuff yourself with Papaya Dogs? Bullshit! This place would have half of the homeless population in here if that were true. I don't know about you, but I will not stand here and be lied to. Good night Papaya Dog!
On the way home I saw this sign, "Brunch With The Beatles." Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Beatles fan but Paul McCartney is starting to look like an old lady these days. And Ringo would just be staring at the bright and shiny silverware the whole time. And John and George...well, they must be pretty ripe these days, so I'm just going to pass. But thanks for the invitation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
This Week's Papaya Wars Standings.
As always the rankings go from worst to the best. (The latest entry is in bold.)
9. Hell’s Kitchen Papaya: Because it’s not there anymore.
8. Papaya Dog in Times Square: They don’t have beer and I forgot to bring vodka. Plus my corn dog was borderline cold and they have a cracked window in there which can only mean bad luck to all who enter.
7. Papaya Dog at 6th Avenue and 4th: They’re liars!
6. Gray’s Papaya at 6th Ave. and 8th St: They don’t have beer but I did remember the vodka for my patented Papaya Wars Screwdapaya drink. New York Magazine delcares this the best of all Papaya’s but then tell’s us it’s endorsed by Mario Batali. Thinking about Super Mario in his shorts and orange clogs always cause me to lose my appetite, so that’s going to drag this place down in the ratings. And they get points knocked off for hopping on the dollar pizza wagon train that just keeps growing and growing. Plus I’ve got jury duty at 8:45 tomorrow. In the fucking morning tomorrow. KHHAAAAAANNN!
5. Chelsea Papaya: It’s clean, people were nice in there, but there’s no beer.
4. Gray’s Papaya on the Upper West Side: It brings back good memories and the signage is nice, but there’s no beer here and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that horrible taste of the papaya drink out of my mouth or mind.
3. Papaya Dog at 14th and 1st: The staff is super-friendly, it’s clean and the hot dogs are great there. However, they robbed me of my patented Ebony and Ivory ketchup and mustard shot! War is hell.
2. Penn Station Papaya: They’ve got beer!
1. Papaya King on the Upper East Side: They’ve got vodka...okay, you’ve got to bring it yourself and sneak it in, but still, this is the original Papaya King in New York City. They've been in the same spot on this block since 1932. The Beatles ate here on their first trip to New York when they appeared on the The Ed Sullivan Show. So does this put the King in first place for now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gray’s Papaya
333 Sixth Ave. (@W. 4th St.)
212-627-9748
Further reading (This Papaya Dog doesn’t have much of an internet presence, so this list is a bit of a stretch:) Spalding Gray, Papaya Clothing, Bun candy and Smoking Hot Waitress.
You also might like: Sansabelt Pants, Barking Spiders and Bell Ringing.
Four Corndog Videos
Trailer for the Corndog Man
A corndog grows in Iowa
Chucheman (The barking dogs in the background = irony at its finest hour!)
Free corndogs!
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Bonus Photos!
MAD commenter and Leaf Girl blogger, Kari, sent in some Papaya War-inspired hot dogs that she grilled up over the weekend. The top photo looks almost as good as dogs the King would grill up himself. But that bottom photo...with ketchup...Hunt’s ketchup...AND A PICKLE! So wrong...so, terribly wrong! But Kari does redeem herself by allowing my good friend Mr. Mustard into the shot for her variation of an Ebony and Ivory shot. Thanks for the photos, Kari!
25 Comments
Reader Comments (25)
LOL at the salt snorter and your Beatles Brunch comments!
P.S. Kari's hot dogs look deelish! I've never seen a whole pickle on a hot dog!
@ MAD; I know what you mean about Paul McCartney...I have this mental vision of him wearing a dress in a Monty Python skit. And as far as that salt snorter goes...maybe he spent time in recording executives prison, where according to Frank Zappa (Joe's Garage) all the recording executives spend thier time snorting laundry detergent and plooking each other
@ Kari; "No, it doesn't bother me...the shootings, the knifings, teachers getting thrown out a window 'cause they won't give a passing grade...but you know what really bother me? watching you stuff your face with those hot dogs. Nobody...AND I MEAN NOBODY...puts ketchup on a hot dog..." - Dirty Harry Callahan - 'Sudden Impact'.
Hunts ketchup sucks ass
i like hunts! great looking hot dogs kari! and the picture of the salt snorter and the beatles brunch were worth the price of admission today. oh wait, it's free here...lol!
I never had ketchup on my wiener ( it's sounds funner then Hotdog ) , but those bonus photo's Rule , & makes me want to try it next time I have one .
@Barfly: Glad you got a chuckle out of those!
@Jaws: I love Joe's Garage, I'll have to make something from there the Nightcap tonight.
@Dan: I'm a Heinz man myself!
@rita r: There's no price of admission here, if there were it would make me too nervous!
JHwang: Your weiner comment scared me! And yes, Kari's photos rule!
this didnt make me want a hot dog today...
love the inside joke....
kari's hot dogs look good.. but hey wait its utah.. do they have any good dogs in utah?
fuck ketchup..
fucking red crap...
and fuck this papaya dog. the glass is all dirty and i dont want one form them.. not even if they throw in some free roaches.
@Gidgie: Don't keep it all bottled up inside of you, tell us how you really feel!
There's some serious splooge on that sneezeguard.
Hey hey, my my, why the fuck will
Rock and roll can never die?
"Everything looks good in here." - I disagree, in fact, [rude joke censored].
@Kari, Enjoy your sacrilegious dogs. They do look good despite the ketchup.
P.S. I can skrewed up my Neil Jung joke. Editing capabilities are for wussies.
I'd have my doubts about that 'hungry and broke' claim too, but maybe you should have given them a chance to make good on it before calling them liars (I'll let you know how it goes next time I'm there)
...although if I'm around that neighborhood I'm more likely to get a dog from Gray's anyway
@csp: Sorry you screwed up the Kneel Jung joke. What can I say, typos can happens.
@Handel: Maybe I should've asked, but I sincerely doubt they give you free food if you're broke. I await your report and will make a public apology if you find out otherwise. And Gray's up the street is better, but they've imported that vile buck a slice pizza in there!
Everything looks good in there, except for the fact the glass looks like someone was doing some self checkout.
I've always been surprised at the severity of reactions I get from enjoying ketchup. And I have Heinz at home, my parents had Hunts, I like them both. But my family all put mayo on them too, now that's just gross.
And @Gidgie, we have some very tasty sausage in Utah! Maybe being repressed makes it age well or something.
Hurrah - Gray's Papaya at 8th beats out its 4th St. rival, even with the dollar pizza!!
Paul's dye job does looks a little weird at this point!
i'm a beatles fan.. dont get me wrong
stepping away to tellthis joke so i dont get smacked..
what will it take to reunite the beatles?
2 more bullets...
@kari: Mayo? That is too gross to think about! Thanks again for your photos, everybody liked them!
@onemorefoldedsunset: Gray's is definitely the go to spot on that block. Good call! And yeah, Paul should just go gray and not worry about it. He looks kind of like Imogene Coco with that dye job!
@Gidgie: I remember when the punch line was "three bullets." Time marches on and the dead Beatles pile up!
I'll pass on the Papaya, but cut me out a nice line of salt.
(but only if it's "Rock" Salt)
Make all your little jokes while you can. When my master plan is revealed, my box-men and I will rule the world. You won't be laughing then.
@"Boris:" You are the new Salty Sam, Daddio!
@Yoko: Oh no!
hey marty, what about the one on 8th avenue near 33rd st? i got an egg and cheese in there once in the morning and it was pretty disgusting.
@Glamma: They closed that one a couple months ago. It'll probably be a bank or a Duane Reade store soon!
disgusting! nowdays people ejaculate everywhere! even on papaya's glass..... !!
and in the futur, everybody will ejaculate on wieners! MAD world! :D hahahahahhahahhahahaha
@Zioum Zioum: Ha ha ha! It is a MAD MAD world!