August 24, 2011
I had to go into work early today at 10 AM and now it’s over twelve hours later and I just got home from a horrible, stress-filled day/night at work. Usually tonight’s swizzle stick night, but I’m fucking beat so I just came home. I’m too burned out to even write a short story so I looked around my apartment for something to write about and saw the books I bought from St. Mark’s Bookshop last night and a light bulb went off over my head. Then the acid flashback went away and I had an idea. I’ll type a random paragraph from each book under a photo of the book and that’ll be tonight’s entry. I may do this every once in a while with some other books in my apartment, so here goes, what I’ve decided to call: "MAD Looks At Books!”
Just Kids by Patti Smith
The Chelsea was like a doll’s house in the Twilight Zone with a hundred rooms, each a small universe. I wandered the halls seeking its spirits, dead or alive. My adventures were mildly mischievous, tapping open a door slightly ajar and getting a glimpse of Virgil Thomson’s grand piano, or loitering before the nameplate of Arthur C. Clarke, hoping he might suddenly emerge. Occasionally I would bump into Gerr Schilff, the German scholar, armed with volumes on Picasso, or Viva in Eau Sauvage. Everyone had something to offer and nobody appeared to have much money. Even the successful seemed to have just enough to live like extravagant bums.
Public Illumination Magazine—Staff: Miss Davenport, Mr. Cologne
Singer-actress Cher was admitted to St. Monica’s Hospital in Los Angeles on Tuesday, complaining of flu-like symptom's and fatigue. On Thursday the hospital’s chief of pulmonary research, Dr. Paul Belsen, announced the the entertainer had been diagnosed with mononucleosis.
I Slept With Joey Ramone by Mickey Leigh with Legs McNeil
The crowd gave it a minute, which was about one whole song. They thought there was a technical problem or something. But when the Ramones began their second song, and it was justl like the first one, the kids in the audience realized that was indeed the show—and then they turned. The look on their faces is a priceless memory for me today, but that night it was pretty scary. Damn, it was only some guys playing music, but the crowd acted like they were stoning a bunch of murderous child molesters.
Lucha Libre
Masked Superstars of Mexican Wrestling—Photographs by Lourdes Grobet
The public still remembered when the Mexican wrestler shouted to her rival, who laid flat on the mat: “Get up you miserable piece of imported trash!” Never before had a Mexican female wrestler snagged the world crown and few expected Molina to change that. Expectations were high that Willimas would triumph.
100 Whores by Mykola Dementiuk
When you went out with a whore you never knew what you were going to get—a fucking, a blow-job, or just a stinking hand-job. I’d even gone out with a few whores who just lay there while I felt them up. Maybe it was my nature that they read right off the bat, knowing I was just a plain old wuss and they could get away with anything.
The end. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
Further reading: NY Times, Village Voice, goodreads.com and 100 Whores.
You Might Also Like: Dr. Pepper, Dr. Strangelove and Dr. Acula.
Five Random Books On One Of My Bookshelves.
Fast Times At Ridgemont High by Cameron Crowe
The Great Shark Hunt by Hunter S. Thompson
The Verdict by Barry Reed
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
The Deer Hunter by E.M. Corder
ARCHIVES
(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)
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Bonus Beer Fridge Photos From Britta!
A while back MAD commenter and blogger, Britta commented about her beer fridge and I was curious about it and she sent me these photos of it. Are you like me and are you thinking the following thoughts right now: Party at Britta's! Oh and it was her birthday a couple days ago, so happy birthday to you, Britta! Thanks for the photos!
34 Comments | Share Article | tagged Books, Chelsea, Joey Ramone, Mickey Leigh, Patti Smith | 1 Reference
Reader Comments (34)
I'm glad you posted a snippet from the Public Illumination Magazine. It looked interesting and I asked you to give us a review when I first saw it yesterday, but then my comment never went through (MOTHERFUCKER!) Anyhoo, I just noticed that it has popcorn on the front that reminds me of your Professor of Snackology snack mix. Is that what first attracted you to the magazine? Enquiring minds want to know!! Also, I enjoyed the excerpt from Lucha Libre. One of my best pals used to call ladies' netherregions "Wilmas," so imagine my excitement to read that expectations were high for the Wil(li)mas to triumph! Hooray for ladies' Wilmas (and their Betty's too)!
P.S. Excellent beer fridge, Britta! And happy birthday to you!
The Chelsea,,,what a place. Patti's book is the one I will be buying first. The Mexican wrestlers is very interesting, they are obsessed with that in LA,,,Mil Mascaras and his brother El Sicodelico were huge draws back in the early seventies, though I saw them on TV,,,never in person,,,I went to the Olympic auditorium for the boxing matches. 100 whores,,,give us an update on that one later. Britta's fridge is perfect and well organized,,,I see the Johnny Red on the door shelf,,,now we can party.
Nice fridge - party at your house!
Hey, this is a fun game...
"I made everybody call me 'Michael Knight' for two weeks. I put it on my answering machine. I said: 'I'm Michael, I'm no longer David.' When the cameras started rolling, I was the Knight Rider. And because the show's concept was so outrageous, I got a mischievous gleam in my eye as if to say: 'You're not going to believe this, but lean back and enjoy it anyway."
--David Hasselhoff
Don't Hassle the Hoff
"100 Whores", isn't a political-science discourse on the US Senate is it?
(Originally it was meant to be "99 Whores and a Bitch for 1" but Jay-Z objected.)
One would suppose that Mykola spent more money on research on "100 Whores" then you did on "99 Beers...".
What is and isn't a legitimate work related tax deduction?
Anyway, to 100 Whores!
@Biff: It wasn't the popcorn that attracted me to PIM, but the fact that it was a tiny little magazine. I've always been obsessed with little publications like that. I don't know why. "Hooray for ladies' Wilmas (and their Betty's too)!" Ha ha ha! you still gots it Bifferoonie! Hooray!
@Al: The photos in the Mexican Wrestling book are great! You should buy Patti's book via the St. Mark's website and support them a little if you can. St. Mark's Bookshop
@Goggla: Great excerpt! Everyone else feel free to contribute something from a book you've got laying around. This could be fun!
@csp: Yes, I think he probably outdid my budget and didn't even have a PayPal to help him out! To Mykola and to his 100 Whores!
Just looking at that Fridge got Me Drunk !!!
Now I Really Need A Beer !!!
As they run out, if Britta replaces her beer and spirits with malt liquor, she could rent out her pad for Snoop Dog videos and the booze would pay for itself.
Maybe next years venture marty could be 365 whores.hand jobs and hurried tales from times sq..
you wouldnt have to sleep with any of them.. but a hand job would be welcome.. all you really need to do is take a pic of one a day and write a story..
show this 100 whore guy up.. 100 is nearly not enough when you know he has probably really paid for thousands..
its could be the most interesting paypal venture ever...
and i bet you could bring one to the chillmasters!
@uMMo: It is one impressive fridge! Puts mine to shame!
@csp: Great business idea! Somebody get Snoop on the line!
@Gidget: Sadly there are no more whores roaming around Times Square, just Mickey Mouse and Spiderman, and I'm not in the mood to have sex with either one of them!
Party, I know I said I wasn't gonna make stupid comments anymore but what a great idea putting excerpts from those books! My day is not complete without reading Marty After Dark! You are unique! I will read your blog forever! No matter what!
@Danny Maness: Thanks for the nice words, Danny! Glad you enjoyed this.
It's way too early to be looking in Britta's beer fridge....makes my kidneys hurt just thinking about it.
I wonder...no, I hope the Mexican wrestler is readying to crack that ceramic dog on the head in a daring spectacle of Mexican strength.
@Gidget: Gotta admit that it would be pretty dam funny for Marty to take a whore to the Chillmaster's dance party!
Tell Britta the gin and vodka belong in the freezer. Otherwise, great fridge.
Beer is a food.
@Clacky: I will take a whore to a Chillmaster Dance Party...let me know the next time you plan on being in town. Ha! Seriously, what are your rates?
@Classie: Maybe the freezer is filled with ice for all the drinks coming out of that fridge! And yes, beer is a food, I'm planning on having quite a dinner in a few hours! Cheers!
trying to stay on post...an interestin' addition to MAD...like bad day/night just pick up recent purchases and do a paragraph from them...unless it's a loaf of bread a pound of bologna and some cheese...or pick a shelf from the ol' bookcase or a shelf from the shelf...sorta like the one i underheard on the bus today "yeah i missed the first day of that one day class"...way off topic...
random book random shelf random page random paragraph:
"It follows therefore, from the fact that living things grow and breed and die, that every species, so long as the conditions under which it lives remains the same, becomes more and more perfectly fitted to those conditions in every generation."
The Outline of History H. G. Wells
A room without books is like a body without a soul.
~Cicero
rr
@Classie - we have both in the freezer - the ones in the fridge are the back-ups. We're not amateurs! ;) Plus, the freezers are mostly full of our Mennonite grass-fed cow, pig and lamb. We can only ice so much liquor. But I appreciate someone that knows their stuff - good advice!
@csp - fantastic idea. Maybe I should get some velvet couches now. Think I could convince some of the Amish to come be in the video? Central PA is the perfect place for Snoop Dog.
@everyone - anytime you are in Harrisburg you are welcome to come partake from The Fridge.
@Marty - i loved the book excerpts! Got me intrigued to say the least - stellar idea. Also - the only bad thing about that fridge is there's too much soda in it right now. Usually we have bottles up there on top but we have non-imbibing family in town for a week so we had to make room for the sody-pop.
And also, thanks for the shout-out - you're the best, Marty! And to think only a few months ago we were both too busy to read each other's blogs. :)
The 100 Whores were so well hidden at St. Marks today that even the people working there couldn't find them. Are you sure you only bought one copy, Marty?
@Britta: Careful with those invitations. Now that you're getting snazzy couches, you might have to start turning people away from the door. Even if they bring weed fed Hindu beef, Jewish pork, or Buddhist mutton.
sorry got so far off topic that is one hella of a fridge and hope you had a happy healthy anniversary of your birth and wish you many many more...
rr
csp...you are one sick puppy...like to meet you one day...
rr
sorry Britta all my wishes were for you...
rr
@csp - you are only making me hungry now. Anyone have some kosher bacon they can trade for a swig of peanut butter vodka? I'll put in the freezer first, as per Classie's instructions.
@rr - why thank you very much! I have a husband that has learned how to spoil me so the 33rd year has been awesome so far.
And thanks everyone else for the birthday wishes. Cheers to you!
sorta wish i was 30 sumthin' again...
rr
@rr: Great random paragraph and quote!
@Britta: Happy to give you a shout-out, thanks for sending the pictures! We all loved them and are jealous of the now infamous, "Beer Fridge!" By the way, your lone bottle of Sol is still alive and well in my fridge!
@onemorefoldedsunset: Maybe they sold out! I wonder if Mick will give me any royalties?
@rr: Per your last comment, you are not going to believe how that ties in with tomorrow's post! Stay tuned (that's a hint.)
It's getting closer to the long-awaited Drinking Of The Sol-looking forward to it! The funny thing is that the beer fridge is so well stocked because of the case law's here. Crazy Pennsylvania. The liquor is due to being parents.
@Britta: What's a case law? You have to drink a case of beer or get arrested? If so, maybe I'll move there!
Britta, can I come and help you clean your refrigerator? I'll bring my own glass.
You have to buy beer by the case here, in stores that only sell beer. They are mom and pop stores, but if you want wine and liquor you have to go to a state run liquor store. The only way you can get a six-pack is if you go to a bar and get one to go - but they charge more than the case stores per bottle. And that's just part of the strangeness of the PA liquor laws.
@Uncle Waltie - Sip Ahoy!
@Britta: Jesus, that sounds like pure craziness!
@Uncle Waltie: Like Britta said, Sip Ahoy!
You know it's amazing that you have Patti Smith's book along with mine, "100 Whores." In the late 1960s I was employed by Scribner's on 5th Avenue as a stockboy and Patti Smith was employed as book sales girl. At the time she was a freaky sight to see, black clothes and freaky beads but I did read her poetry once she passed it to other workers. I remember she wrote, "I shall go up... And stay there." Never will forget that. Why? I have no idea. And now 30 plus years we are together again. Very cool ;)
@Mykola Mick Demetiuk: What a cool story! Happy to have brought the two of you together! That's a great book you wrote, really enjoying it!
I had a friend tell me I should write a book about my sloring around year. I started on it, but it was just depressing reliving it. Best to live such things to the professionals! I love that you still buy books in this digital age Marty, and from a real book store. And Britta is an excellent host if anyone gets the opportunity to visit the fridge! She even stocks up on diet ginger ale for me when I visit.