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Friday

Aug192011

August 19, 2011

I had to work late tonight, so I’m just going to go home and unwind while writing a short story. I recently watched a documentary on the comedian, Sam Kinison. Sam was from my hometown of Peoria, Illinois and would come back at least once a year to do his stand up in the Civic Center and go nuts all over town. I met him once and I wrote about it a long time ago, I think back on MySpace where I first started blogging. But most of you never read it, so I’m going to write it one more time. With feeling! Play it again, Sam!

Taking Sam’s Advice

The year was either 1987 or 1988 I can’t remember, it was so many beers ago. Anyway, it was the late ‘80’s and I had just published a book I had written called “I Was Elvis Presley’s Sheep,” a silly book supposedly told from the point of view of Elvis' pet sheep, Hoppy. I was still living in Peoria, Illinois and I was pimping the book anywhere I could. I scored a feature article in the Peoria Journal Star, got on two of the local news stations and did all of the morning and afternoon radio shows. There was a local talk show on a radio station WMBD (hello Greg and Dan!) and the host was a curly-haired guy in his late 30’s named Robert Roth. I went on his show to talk about the book (and more specifically to tell people where they could buy it) and after the show Robert asked if I was going to the Sam Kinison show at the Civic Center that Friday. I informed him that yes, I had tickets and was going with my girlfriend Lynda. Robert told me he was going to do his show Friday from backstage at the Civic Center and that Sam was going to be the only guest. And better still, he said he was looking for people to come and act as an audience for the show so they’d have live laughter in the background. And then he asked if I wanted to be part of the audience. Well I didn’t waste any time in saying, “Fuck yeah,” and asked if I could bring along Lynda and he told me by all means. It was kind of fitting, because Lynda was the original producer of Robert’s show and that’s where we had met over a year ago. Since then she had moved on and was working for the Arthritis Foundation in Peoria. I was toiling at a night job at a printing company called, Fleming Potter.

I was a huge Sam Kinison fan (I’ve lost weight since then) and I was psyched. You always knew when Sam was in town because he lived it up when he blew back to P-town. There were always stories of him showing up at bars and buying everyone drinks, doing coke with strippers after hours at Big Al’s, Peoria’s strip club on Main St. and he would always appear on the local radio shows and newscasts. You could tell he loved being a hometown boy that made good. And I was going to be able to meet him! So I went over to Lynda’s apartment and told her the news and she was excited too.

“I’m going to take my book and give him a copy,” I told Lynda who got a funny and kind of frightened look on her face.

“What’s with you?” I asked.

“Well, don’t take this wrong,” she explained, “but what if he makes fun of you or the book?”

“Who cares,” I brazenly shot back. But I was wondering the same thing in the back of my mind and was hoping this wouldn’t happen.

Anyway, show day came and we went to the backstage area of the Civic Center and they had a mobile radio unit all set up, with a desk and microphones and there he was, Sam Kinison, seated next to Robert Roth. They were just about to go on the air and there were about fifteen people in the “audience” sitting on grey metal folding chairs. Lynda and I sat down and I had two copies of the book, one to get signed and one to give to Sam. They did the first segment with Sam cracking everyone up with Hollywood stories and pre-fame Peoria tales from when he was a preacher. After about ten minutes they went into a break and it was fairly quiet in the studio.

Robert was talking to an engineer. The moment had come.

“Hey Sam, can I ask you a question,” I hollered out from my chair. Lynda was holding my hand and squeezed it tightly after I asked.

Sam stood up, kind of sneered at me and then in that Sam Kinison patented ear-splitting scream yelled out, “NO! CAUSE I’M A PRIIIIIIICK!”

My mouth fell open and Lynda’s fingers were digging into my hand. I was probably red as a beet and was speechless for one of the few times in my life.

Sam looked surprised and then started laughing and said, “Hey, man, I was just kidding, what do you need to know?” He looked like he felt kind of bad that he scared the shit out of me.

Lynda lightened up on her death grip on my hand and I said, “I wrote a book and I’d like to give you a copy.”

“You wrote a book? Yeah come on up here, let me see it.” He told me.

Well I promptly marched up there with Lynda and introduced ourselves. He looked at the book and was really nice and told me it looked really cool. I gave him a copy and he told me he would definitely read it. Robert butted in and said they were back on the air in a minute and I had to go back to my seat. I asked Sam if he would autograph my copy after the show and he said he’d love to.

So we sat down and I was thrilled and so was Lynda. Then it got hilarious.

They came back from the break and Robert asked Sam if he had any future TV or movie projects he was working on. Sam picked up my book and said, “I’m glad you asked that, Robert, I’m working on a movie adaptation of the book, “I Was Elvis Presley’s Sheep” by the world famous author, Marty Wombacher.” And then he waved to me and I was laughing and waved back. Robert laughed, and said, “Oh jeez, don’t get that guy going, he’ll never shut up.”

After they were done with the show, I went back up to him and he signed a copy and he asked if I wrote full time. I told him I worked a night job at Fleming Potter and he said to me, “Hang in there man and keep at your writing, you won’t be there forever. You’ll get out of this town just like I did. I can feel it in my bones.” That meant a lot to me that he said that.

I thanked him and we shook hands and Lynda and I started walking away and Sam hollered out in his scream persona, “Hey Lynda, why don’t you ditch that loser and come and have a drink on the tour bus with me?” We both laughed and he shouted out, “Just kidding, have fun at the show.”
Postscript: Sam Kinison died on April 10th, 1992 when a pickup truck smashed into his car. Lynda and I broke up about a half a year after the night we met Sam. She married some guy who worked for the Arthritis Foundation with her. The last I heard they were living in California and had two kids. I took Sam’s advice and kept writing and lo and behold I did get out of Peoria and moved to New York on July 7th, 1993. I’m still working nights, but I thank Sam Kinison for his inspiration to take a chance and move the fuck on with my life. Cheers to Sam Kinison!

Further reading: Sam Kinison Website, Find A Death, WikiQuote and ew.com.

You Might Also Like: EV Grieve, EV Gif and EV Parts.

Four other Sams
Samuel Adams
Sam the Butcher
Sammy Maudlin
Sam I Am

The universe is permeated with the odor of kerosene.

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Bonus Photo From Gui Stecher!

MAD reader (and once in a while commenter) Gui Stecher sent in this frightening photo all the way from Brazil. It seems Cardboard Box Man has made his way there and is morphing into vegetables there. Aaaahhhh!