April 12, 2011
Okay, time for Battle Number Nine in the delusional idiocy that seems like it’s never going to end ever-exciting, ever-popular, Papaya Wars!
Tonight we’re going to Gray’s Papaya in Greenwich Village at the corner of 6th Avenue and 8th Street. It was suggested by the fine blog onemorefoldedsunset and I believe the equally (emphasis on “e”) impressive blogger esquared mentioned it a couple weeks ago as well.
Oh, and this is going to be what I call a bit of a quickity blickity blog. I’ve got jury duty (insert Pauly Shore joke here) tomorrow, and while I don’t mind jury duty (I’ll write more about that another day), jury duty starts at 8:45. In the fucking morning! And I hate the morning. So let’s go get this shit over with, I’m breaking out in hives just thinking about the alarm clock going off...in the morning! Aaaaahh!
(And please note: If I get stuck on a dayshift jury, this may wreak havoc here at MAD, but I will continue to post daily. Just be patient with me, I might be a little stressed out. I hate morning! And right now it's 7:31 in the morning. FUCK!)
It’s not that far and normally I’d walk, but since I have this obsessive fear about being late for jury duty tomorrow, I’m going to set my alarm for 6:30. In the morning. Fuck!
And here we are. Let’s get this shit over with. Let the battle begin! KHHAAAAAANNN!
You have got to be fucking kidding me! Is there no sanctuary from this dollar pizza mania?
I'm just going to ignore the pizza part of this place and pretend it's not there. Nyah, nyah, nyah nyah, nyah.
Okay, this gentlemen served up tonight's entree. A hot dog with mustard and a small orange papaya drink...
Which, with the help of my little friend, will soon be turned into my patented Screwdapaya drink!
New York Magazine says this place is the best Papaya, but that was written before they turned half of the joint into a stinking one dollar pizza ghetto. They also wrote that Mario Batali is a fan of the place. I don't know about you, but just thinking of that guy in his shorts and orange clogs ruins my appetite.
See what I mean?
I almost forgot my patented Ebony and Ivory ketchup and mustard shot. With all these fake patents looming, I need to find a fake patent attorney.
And now time to head home. I have to get up at 6:30. In the morning. Fuck! KHHAAAAAANNN!
This Week's Papaya Wars Standings.
As always the rankings go from worst to the best. (The latest entry is in bold.)
8. Hell’s Kitchen Papaya: Because it’s not there anymore.
7. Papaya Dog in Times Square: They don’t have beer and I forgot to bring vodka. Plus my corn dog was borderline cold and they have a cracked window in there which can only mean bad luck to all who enter.
6. Gray’s Papaya at 6th Ave. and 8th St: They don’t have beer but I did remember the vodka for my patented Papaya Wars Screwdapaya drink. New York Magazine declares this the best of all Papaya’s but then tell’s us it’s endorsed by Mario Batali. Thinking about Super Mario in his shorts and orange clogs always cause me to lose my appetite, so that’s going to drag this place down in the ratings. And they get points knocked off for hopping on the dollar pizza wagon train that is multiplying faster than bedbugs in this city. Plus I’ve got jury duty at 8:45 tomorrow. In the fucking morning. KHHAAAAAANNN!
5. Chelsea Papaya: It’s clean, people were nice in there, but there’s no beer.
4. Gray’s Papaya on the Upper West Side: It brings back good memories and the signage is nice, but there’s no beer here and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that horrible taste of the papaya drink out of my mouth or mind.
3. Papaya Dog at 14th and 1st: The staff is super-friendly, it’s clean and the hot dogs are great there. However, they robbed me of my patented Ebony and Ivory ketchup and mustard shot! War is hell.
2. Penn Station Papaya: They’ve got beer!
1. Papaya King on the Upper East Side: They’ve got vodka...okay, you’ve got to bring it yourself and sneak it in, but still, this is the original Papaya King in New York City. They've been in the same spot on this block since 1932. The Beatles ate here on their first trip to New York when they appeared on the The Ed Sullivan Show. So does this put the King in first place for now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gray’s Papaya
402 Sixth Ave. (@8th St.)
212-260-3532
Further reading: Grub Street, DNAinfo, Wall Street Journal and Gothamist.
You might also like: KHHAAAAAANNN!, Juicy Fruit gum and Ice Cubes.
The top ten Google suggestions when you type in, “Morning is...”
They left off one, “Morning is totally fucked!
25 Comments
Reader Comments (25)
Earliest post ever! KHAAAAANNNN! LOL! Great Papaya battle today, good to see the King still in the number one position!
Perhaps Arlo Guthrie's classic advice for avoiding the draft from Alice's Restaurant might work for getting out of jury duty as well. When you show up all bleary eyed and hung over with the smell of vodka and stale papaya wafting from every pore, you might want to remember to yell something glib like; "Kill them all and let God sort them out" when they ask you weather or not you are able to consider the evidence in a fair and impartial manner. Be as enthusiastic and borderline psychotic as you can manage in your demeanor, perhaps they'll scratch you off the jury duty list permanently without throwing you in the jug for contempt if you can convince His Honour you are sincere!
I just can't come up with more on papaya dogs.
@Barfly: The King is still sitting proudly on his throne. Just like Elvis moments before he took his final bow.
@Jaws: I'm here right now and while I think there is a faint odor of booze about me, it wasn't enough to get me kicked out of here. This morning shit is for the birds!
@Al: Sorry this is getting tiresome for you, but there's still at least three more weeks left to go in the Papaya Wars! KHAAAAN! Okay, the juice is about out on my laptop, back to jury duty I go.
I can't count the number of times I've passed that Papaya on the way from my place to your place. I've always thought, "Oh, yeah...there's that Papaya place. I really should stop in there some day. How can it be that I've spent this much time in New York City and, yet, have never eaten a Papaya dog? I remember that Turbo Dog or whateverthefuckitwascalled that I got at 3:30 in the morning outside my hotel in fucking Midtown after drinking for 24 hours. And I dropped mustard all the way from the bathroom to the bed. Heh heh, that was hilarious. What a great night. Too bad I got lost walking from Little Italy. Thank goodness I didn't end up in the river, and what luck - finding Milady's! Hey, I should stop by there later tonight, I love that place. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, hot dogs....Hey, HOT DOG! I just passed 14th Street! Only two blocks away from my Miller Lite, assorted meats and cheesey stuff! I wonder what new shit Marty has on his table? Another movie at the church? Oh, for Pete's sake." But from now on, all I'll be able to think of is: SCREWDAPAYA!
something hard to understand for me : "jury duty" ... I wonder how it is possible for citizen to deal with that? The right is not something easy to understand... In France to be a Jury in court you need almost 10 years of studies in criminal rights & law and shit !! I made only 2 years of commercial & financial rights and 2 years of environment & safety rights and it was enough to make me stop my studies!! ha!
Maybe because there are not many laws in US? you've got only 2 codes when we've got 70 codes in France!
Welcome to the mornings. I hope your visit is short. I've always wanted to have jury duty, as long as it wasn't a really depressing case. My grandparents were denied being on a jury twice because they had too much education. I'm all for "jury of your peers" but if I'm ever in trouble with the law, I'll take the educated people thank you.
I'll have to see what Papaya Dog is closest to where I'll be in May, because I need to participate.
I love Mario Batali
Holy EARLY posting, Marty. I hate morning too!
@Biff: You've never had a Papaya Dog? Unbelievable! Next trip for sure! And we'll have Screwdapayas too!
@Zioum Zioum: Here all you need to do is register to vote. How do you think O.J. and Robert Blake got off?
@kari: We'll have to hit a Papaya place for sure!
@Meleah: Morning's suck big time! I hope tomorrow is the end of this shit!
love the screwdapaya! and i agree its good to see the king still in first place! good luck with jury duty! hang 'em high! lol!
@MAD INRE Mario Batali. Some say Gingers have no souls, I think Mario's just slipped through his pony-tailed comb-over.
Best way to stay off a case is to mention if you are kith or kin to a law enforcement officer.
@ZZ Not sure what you're talking about. The US legal system is one of the muddiest in the world (and most litigious, there is a lawyer for every 256 citizens.)
Today's paper, MA woman files restraining order against Chuck Norris for sending bad psychic vibes to her.
@csp, great link. I wonder if anyone has filed an order against Taylor Swift for being annoying.
ps - gingers are sexy
@csp: I want to get on a case, nothing more fun that being in charge of someone's destiny! Nice link!
@kari: I happen to know that csp's preferred mixed drink is a Jack and Ginger. He's secretly in love with Mario Batali and longs to cuddle with the chef.
Went looking for you in ur dept , & found out your on jury do dee .
Funny I start next Monday , but Call Sunday night , & I think it's not going to happen , since my Jury Do Dee lands on April 19 , which is Passover .
ZioumZioum , didn't like the hotdog from the grays papaya , but ate it , Yum
@kari I haven't had a Jack&Ginger in over a year, and it's rumored that Marty is a Sous-Chef both in and out of the kitchen.
I'm gonna have to try a jack&ginger, that sounds good. Being able to take directions is a great quality. In and out of the kitchen.
@JHwang: Good luck next week, I'm done already and back at work. This is one long Jack Baurer day!
@csp: Did I hit a nerve there? Send my love to Mario!
@MAD MARIO!
@csp: Ha ha ha! I took me a second to get that one! I can't open the link here at work, but I think I know what it is!
Thanks Marty. Sorry it only made it to no. 6 - the dollar pizza feature is a turn for the worse, & the Batali connection offputting. There was a 13 series on Spanish food last year & the combined presence of Mario & Gwyneth Paltrow was HORRIBLE!
@onemorefoldedsunset: The pizza thing really puts them in the dumpster. They didn't need that at all. And Mario and Gwynny is indeed frightening!
ditto al....
“We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.”
Dave Barry
rr
@rr: Dot and Ditto. Nice quote!
Hey Marty, sorry about the morning jury duty.
Mario Battali has several restaurants in Las Vegas which is where I am headed today.
I love your BYOV - bring your own vodka!
@Tiki Bar Susie: At least it's all over! Have a great trip, I'll try and call you next week.