July 29, 2011
Okay, yesterday in the comments section there was some comments about walking down the escalator as opposed to standing there and riding it down. I addressed it in the comments section and I’m going to write about it here as well, because as I explained to a commenter, I’m an obsessive nut about a lot of things and that escalator is at the top of my list.
So I understand that some people are in a hurry, especially at a place like Penn Station. People have schedules and if they don’t get to their platform on time, they miss their train. So you see people running and trying to cut corners to get to their destination. But I’d like to make a point and I think I’ll do it in pictures. I had to work late tonight and they want me to try and get in as early as possible tomorrow, so I don’t have much time to do anything tonight, so this is a perfect night for this. We’ll be there in a second.
Okay, here we go, off into the night in search of an escalator. The excitement never ends here!
And here we are at Penn Station. Now let's go look at something.
Okay, there's the escalator and there's some jackass yammering away on a cell phone. Let's forget about him for a second, no matter how hard that is to do. Yeah, say you're running late for a train or you need to use the bathrooms in here or you're jonesing for an Auntie Anne's pretzel, why wouldn't you run down this escalator and push people out of your way to get where you're going? After all, you don't have time to "dick around" like some of us and you have places to go and people to be. You're an important person and you can't waste time riding this thing while standing still. I totally understand except...
THERE'S A HUGE FUCKING STAIRWAY RIGHT NEXT TO THE ESCALATOR THAT IS FOUR TIMES AS BIG! God, I hate typing in all capital letters, but sometimes a point has to be made and I can't sleep until it's understood. Okay, tonight they're working on the stairs, so it's not the best of nights to make this point. But if you're in a hurry, why wouldn't you run down this ample space instead of knocking into people riding the escalator who aren't in a hurry? Yesterday, a commenter called people who stand and ride the escalator "lazy sows." Well a lot of nights when I ride that escalator I've just come off a twelve hour shift at work and I just want to ride the escalator and not have some asshole push at me, even though I'm standing as far to the right as I can. In a hurry? Use the stairs!
Another commenter (and one who seems like a nice person whom I'm not giving attitude to, just making a point here) said that you save time walking on the escalator because it's faster as it's moving and the stairway is stationary. I understood that point and decided to give it a test. I rode the escalator down and timed it and it took exactly twenty seconds for the whole trip, standing still. Next I wanted to try it walking down and see the time I saved, but since the stairs were closed it was too crowded to do it.
But the up escalator was wide open, so I decided to walk up and time it. It's the same distance as going down, so away we go!
And boom, here we are outside. And it was quicker. It took just six seconds to get from point A to point B. So we saved 14 valuable seconds by walking the escalator. Maybe that's important to you to get to your destination 14 seconds earlier, but personally I'll take the 20 second ride anytime and take a queue from my friend the Chillmaster and chill the fuck out for a few extra seconds. Why the fuck not?
While we're here, we may as well check out the greeting cards here at Duane Reade. In the past they've had some suspicious cards in this store.
Fuck you Ziggy! I'm just trying to make a point here!
You can't sleep? Well, I think you're in the wrong aisle...
You need to be over here, my dear, next to the beer. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
Further reading: Big White Guy, On Common Ground, Washington Post and Etiquette Guide.
You Might Also Like: Puff Pastry, H.R. Pufnstuf and Puff the Magic Dragon.
Of Otis and Escalators
Otis
People Daily
Bloomberg
Oits
Otis
Oh baby I was blind to let you go,
But now since I see you in his arms,
I want you back.
32 Comments
Reader Comments (32)
Ziggy's a prick. If you want to obsess, go to it man, you're not hurting anybody!
LOL! If you're not a lawyer in real life, you missed your calling! In the case of Marty versus Escalator Walkers, Marty wins! Order in the court. I'll take a cheeseburger! LOL! Love this blog!
Love it when you obsess! That's when you're at your fricken' best!
Yeah Marty Wins , but how are pickpockets going to steal your wallet if there is no crowded stairs !!!
Did you get a Hotdog & Beer while You where down there ? Did you ever go down there & look at the train schedule screen & shout out , SHIT they cancelled all Boston Trains , & watch people run to the screen !!
OK OK , I'm French !!!
@Ned Sparks: Ziggy is a prick, isn't he? Fucking cartoon character!
@Anon: Nope, I'm not a lawyer, but I do play one on TV. Glad you like the blog!
@Danny Maness: Ha ha ha! Thanks, my friend!
@Ummo: I don't have a wallet, so no one's stealing anything from me. No, I didn't get a hot dog and beer, I have to work early today so I went straight home. Speaking of that, I have to get running! See you all in a bit.
That's it Marty...just breath deep...get it all out...better now?
Loved the barney and Otis clip...try this one.
http://youtu.be/j8dOwfblpeA
I love your obsessions too. I will admit that when in airports I walk on the moving walkways because it feels like you have super human speed and there is something awesome about it. But I usually enjoy the 20 sec chill on the escalator. Sometimes you just need the moment to breath.
I'm in the camp of leg locomotion while the escalator is in motion. The trick, is don't be a prick. You don't run like a dick, you walk real quick. You don't push and grump, you make sure not to bump.
All right the rhyming thing is annoying.
The thing is this, it's not about running late, it's about the subway.
The subway doesn't really have a set schedule so every second does have a potential to count. This is compounded if you have to transfer at some point in your journey. In the morning, even though the trains tend to run more often, you never know when the impossible to board over-crowded train is going to amble along, so you want to get to the platform quick. At night missing a train by 5 seconds can mean a 40 minute wait. In essence, no matter how "early" you are running, in actuality, you may be running late. So, not to OJ Simpson it at a car rental, you do want to keep moving between platform waits.
Why not the stairs? Well, it is quicker to take the escalator. More importantly, people fall on stairs. The stairs are steep and narrow. You don't want to touch those banisters, (Hepatitis) so those are no help. There is inevitable a hazard on the stairs, be it a discarded brown paper bag, a candy wrapper, a bottle, water, or something grosser. Incidentally, I've seen more people fall up stairs then down. (An embarrassing, time consuming, face plant after your foot slips out backwards from beneath you.) Falling down those stairs can make you The Late as opposed to late. What's worse about the stairs, is that again the stick to the right rule often gets thrown out the door. Unlike in Japan, people do not necessarily go up and down on the right. If you do brave the stairs, you can quickly find yourself moving laterally for half a lifetime like some underground running back avoiding the defensive pass rush.
In (finally) conclusion; There are valid reasons to keep walking while on the escalator. If, just like on the highway or the sidewalks in heaven, the slow or stationary stick to the right; everyone should be able to get along just fine. Obviously, if there is no room, don't pass. If you have a 2x4 sticking laterally out of your knapsack, stay put on the right. I know there are dicks you don't realize that barging their way through a mom and her 4 kids, or pushing over 2 old ladies with canes makes them ,well dicks. That said, it doesn't repudiate the soundness of the stick to the right, pass unobtrusively on the left if possible.
Too Long, Didn't Read: Stairs evil, escalator quick, trains unpredictable, stick to right if not passing, pass on left without being a douche-bag.
I know it's a pet peeve of yours, but honestly, of all the things that make me a nut, this isn't one of them.
Shit that was long. Sorry.
Also, I don't think this (kind-of-silly) debate really requires name calling all you pole smokers.
I only take escalators going up. Better view. On the way down, I run down the stairs like a madman, when sober, anyway.
Well this thing with escalators is fun,,,it took a whole new life,,,didn't it? CSP made a very valid point about the stairs and the possibility of falling going down or up. CSP also made a great point about how important a few seconds are when trying to catch the train,,,or else you have to wait for the next one. Us folks down here in suburbia don't really understand all this as we are forced to drive cars and the malls are usually one story so no escalators, or trains,,,,though Marty is probably like me,,,impatient and a little obsessive but overall very well liked by us. This actually made for a great debate,,,keep it up.
@Jaws: I feel good, just like James Brown said I would! Nice Barney/Gort clip!
@kari: I'll admit it, I do that at airports too!
@csp: I still say take the stairs...asswipe! (Just kidding!) I understand your points, but I still say that since the escalator is way more narrow, you're going to be bumping into people and it might take you even longer. As far as not touching a railing on the stairs for fear of hepatitis, if you're not holding the railing on the escalator that's dangerous too and I think falling on an escalator is a little more dangerous than falling on the stairs.
@Uncle Waltie: So we can assume you're not running like a madman very often, right?
@Al: It has turned into a fun debate! Somewhere down the line I think I'll go and poll people at the escalator and see what the public thinks. Talk about dangerous!
I don't like to touch the bannisters either, but I find it's easier to avoid doing so while taking the stairs, not the escalator. Because I trust my own feets more than I trust some electronic doo-dad doing the moving for me. Plus, I've always hated escalators. You can see the little lights under there and the metal edge looks kind of like the teeth of that Jaws dude from that James Bond flick. Not to mention you run the risk of getting your hair or tie or skirt (if you are so inclined) caught in the equipment, thereby scalping or choking or pantsing your bad self. Stairs are just so much more, I don't know, simple...no nonsense...calm. And also, in support of stairs, you can dance up and down them if you like and pretend that you're Fred Astaire or something. Not that you couldn't do that on the escalator, but it would have more of an OK Go! effect, which is at the very least annoying and in many cases exhausting. In any event, it would be hard to do much of anything on those escalators, even if you wanted to. They're very, very narrow, my friends. And, anyway, pushing past anyone, at any time, for any reason, is pretty rude. At least say pardon me or something. Geesh.
Also, I like that man's red pants.
I quite enjoyed that @csp
@Bif: "or pantsing your bad self" Ha ha ha! you still gots it Bifferoonie! And yes, the man in the red pants rules!
@kari: You've encouaged csp, God only knows what can come out of this!
I think the whole not touching handrails thing is another kind of obsession though. Where does that kind of thing end? You don't hold touch any surface of a subway car? You don't touch the salt & pepper shakers in a diner? Some people carry sanitizer, I suppose, but I think you have to rely on washing your hands whenever appropriate & not caring too much about that sort of shit (yes, well, bad expression given the context). Building up a good immune system is better than avoidance. I knew someone who was planning to wear white gloves in the subway, & I found this idea ridiculous, if quaint.
We do all have a lot to say about urban neurosis!
"But if you're in a hurry, why wouldn't you run down this ample space instead of knocking into people riding the escalator who aren't in a hurry?" Um...yeah!
Yes, but you wouldn't know how important someone is if they politely ran down the stairs. Look how we've been talking about that girl for days now - and I'm sure she's at home, reading about herself on the internet with a glass of wine in hand and a self-satisfied grin on her face. See? You've made her (et al) famous! And, that's all that matters. Nice guys finish last - pushers and shovers finish in 6 seconds! Wooooo!
@onemorefoldedsunset: White gloves in the subway? Ha ha ha! That sounds like the title to a song!
@Meleah: Yeah indeed! Yeah yeah yeah!
@Goggla: Excellent point and a Wooo to yoooo!
just picked myself off the floor for the umpteenth time...haven't laughed so hard since dick nixon proclaimed "i'm not a crook"...don't want to get into a rant and blow csp outta the water...but escalators escalators escalators escalators etiquette...the original post had it's moments...the comments have far surpassed those moments...almost like the whole is/was beyond the parts...
Without obsession, life is nothing.
~John Waters
rr
I just did a little recomputing. I did make a case for quickly walking past people on the escalator. I also pointed out that the stairs are dangerous. I did this from the perspective of a New York City subway rider. I find it highly unlikely a subway rider would run down the escalator pushing people out of the way in the process. (The risk/reward ratio is just too fucked) So how to explain Marty's repeated encounters on the Papaya Escalator?
I forgot to take into account just where that escalator is, Penn Station. Besides the A.C E and 1,2,3 there is the LIRR and the NJR. Those commuters could know for a fact that they were running late. They would have a definitive motive for making a bee line to their scheduled trains. They would probably not know of or care of NYC etiquette. As pointed out, the stairs are dangerous. When I said the stairs are narrow, I meant the individual steps. To run down the stairs (from experience) is folly due to the narrow steps. You find yourself accelerating down the long stair case to dangerous speeds. (This becomes exponentially more dangerous when combined with alcohol.) The escalator on the other hand, the steps are comparatively wide (or rather long). The quantization of the steps of the escalator controls your pace, and thus your speed. This allows you to jog at a safe speed, rather then run at a dangerous velocity. This is quick and harmless for the jogger, but not for the other non-jogging passengers. This is especially true say if the jogger was wearing footwear which was clumsy as say, sandals. (see the alleged jogger from yesterday's post.)
In conclusion ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I say that NYC quick paced escalator passers are fine. I'd bet they pass Marty all the time with such lack of ado, Marty might not even see them. Whereas slightly tipsy, caught on a school night whooping it up in the city New Jerseyans and Long Islanders; late for their train, in impractical shoes, who know not of etiquette, but have probably learned from experience not to run down the stairs; have been harassing Marty on this both unique and terrible escalator. I say Marty, convict not all escalator passers, but out of town runners.
[see Kari, Marty warned you not to encourage me]
Also, rr is wiser then I.
Well now you're just showing off csp. And rr is wise.
csp...where's tony hawk now we need him?...
rr
i mean like ...ride the rails and fuck the rest...
rr
I'm not sure RR, but I guarantee Stephen Hawking would never push Marty on the escalator.
csp...that one was good!...but you never know...
rr
@rr: I agree a great day for comments and rants here! I love it when the comments take on a life of their own! And you supplied the perfect quote from the perfect source for today!
@csp: My heads about ready to explode after that last missive, all I can say is...thanks Kari! I told you so! And I had sex with Stephen Hawking once. I was drunk, so give me a break already! Anyway, every time he had an orgasm he would scream out, "Motor oil!" I have no idea what that was about, but since I was drunk, I couldn't stop laughing at it. I felt weird the next day, but had a little hair of the dog, untied him and let him go home. Memories!
You said you would call.
@S. Hawking: I know, but that's just how I roll, and I know you know how that goes.