July 29, 2011
Okay, yesterday in the comments section there was some comments about walking down the escalator as opposed to standing there and riding it down. I addressed it in the comments section and I’m going to write about it here as well, because as I explained to a commenter, I’m an obsessive nut about a lot of things and that escalator is at the top of my list.
So I understand that some people are in a hurry, especially at a place like Penn Station. People have schedules and if they don’t get to their platform on time, they miss their train. So you see people running and trying to cut corners to get to their destination. But I’d like to make a point and I think I’ll do it in pictures. I had to work late tonight and they want me to try and get in as early as possible tomorrow, so I don’t have much time to do anything tonight, so this is a perfect night for this. We’ll be there in a second.
Okay, here we go, off into the night in search of an escalator. The excitement never ends here!
And here we are at Penn Station. Now let's go look at something.
Okay, there's the escalator and there's some jackass yammering away on a cell phone. Let's forget about him for a second, no matter how hard that is to do. Yeah, say you're running late for a train or you need to use the bathrooms in here or you're jonesing for an Auntie Anne's pretzel, why wouldn't you run down this escalator and push people out of your way to get where you're going? After all, you don't have time to "dick around" like some of us and you have places to go and people to be. You're an important person and you can't waste time riding this thing while standing still. I totally understand except...
THERE'S A HUGE FUCKING STAIRWAY RIGHT NEXT TO THE ESCALATOR THAT IS FOUR TIMES AS BIG! God, I hate typing in all capital letters, but sometimes a point has to be made and I can't sleep until it's understood. Okay, tonight they're working on the stairs, so it's not the best of nights to make this point. But if you're in a hurry, why wouldn't you run down this ample space instead of knocking into people riding the escalator who aren't in a hurry? Yesterday, a commenter called people who stand and ride the escalator "lazy sows." Well a lot of nights when I ride that escalator I've just come off a twelve hour shift at work and I just want to ride the escalator and not have some asshole push at me, even though I'm standing as far to the right as I can. In a hurry? Use the stairs!
Another commenter (and one who seems like a nice person whom I'm not giving attitude to, just making a point here) said that you save time walking on the escalator because it's faster as it's moving and the stairway is stationary. I understood that point and decided to give it a test. I rode the escalator down and timed it and it took exactly twenty seconds for the whole trip, standing still. Next I wanted to try it walking down and see the time I saved, but since the stairs were closed it was too crowded to do it.
But the up escalator was wide open, so I decided to walk up and time it. It's the same distance as going down, so away we go!
And boom, here we are outside. And it was quicker. It took just six seconds to get from point A to point B. So we saved 14 valuable seconds by walking the escalator. Maybe that's important to you to get to your destination 14 seconds earlier, but personally I'll take the 20 second ride anytime and take a queue from my friend the Chillmaster and chill the fuck out for a few extra seconds. Why the fuck not?
While we're here, we may as well check out the greeting cards here at Duane Reade. In the past they've had some suspicious cards in this store.
Fuck you Ziggy! I'm just trying to make a point here!
You can't sleep? Well, I think you're in the wrong aisle...
You need to be over here, my dear, next to the beer. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
Further reading: Big White Guy, On Common Ground, Washington Post and Etiquette Guide.
You Might Also Like: Puff Pastry, H.R. Pufnstuf and Puff the Magic Dragon.
Of Otis and Escalators
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Oh baby I was blind to let you go,
But now since I see you in his arms,
I want you back.
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