July 21, 2011

EV Grieve reported yesterday that a new Subway sandwich store was celebrating a “Grand Opening” on Avenue B in the East Village. The Mars Bar gets shut down one day and a fucking Subway opens the next. It pretty much sums up the direction of this city and it gives me the goddamned heebie jeebies. This city is being overrun by chain stores and restaurants and soon it’s going to be one big fucking strip mall.

The thing I don’t get is why people in New York eat in a place like Subway? When I lived in Peoria, I ate at Subways and other chain restaurants because sometimes the closest place to get a fresh sandwich was miles away. I guarantee you there’s a deli within two blocks of this shithole, that serves better sandwiches and they’re locally owned and run. I’ve decided to get the same sandwich at both places then bring them home and do a comparison study.

We're taking a subway to a Subway. Irony at its finest hour.

Okay, through the magic of the internet you're spared a subway ride that included a screaming baby on the car and the mother leaving the kid in the stroller, pretending to be oblivious to the whole thing. People, if you're going to breed, be responsible for your little monsters. I was going to transfer to the L train, but decided just to get off here at Union Square and hoof it over to Avenue B.

And it's off we go. Holy moley, it looks like I'm having an acid flashback here!

As usual there's a line stretching out into the street at Artichoke. The pizza here is supposed to be real good. I'll never know, though. I'm not about to wait in line for fifteen minutes to get a fucking slice of pizza.

And here we are, the grand opening of Subway in the East Village. It doesn't look too grand to me, but let's check it out anyway.

Look at this sign in the front window. It looks like someone vomited between two slices of bread. Barf-O-Matic.

It's tiny inside and looks like every other Subway chain. Cookie cutter restaurants with cookie cutter menus.

For drinks you get your choice of something from the soda fountain...

Or bottled soda or water from this cooler. I decided to get my drink at the next place. I'm guessing there will be beer there. Goodbye Subway, I hardly knew ye, and thank fuck for that.

Okay, I've got my shittly little sandwich from Subway. Now, less than a block away...

Is Brother's Candy & Grocery.

Now these look like my kind of sandwiches!

They have about anything in here you would want...

Including fresh sandwiches from this counter.

The have a whole wall of coolers with drinks. And they've got beer here!

And everyone's friendly in here, this fellow even posed for a photo while holding my purchases. Okay, time to head home and take the comparison test.

Okay, we'll look at the Subway sandwich first, which is packaged in this gaudy clear Subway bag.

And here's the sandwich. You don't see any meat sticking out of it for good reason...

There's just three slices of pre-sliced ham inside this flat-ass sandwich. It's got less meat in it than Karen Carpenter had on her bones two days before she died. And the yellow stuff you see is mainly mustard, I asked for cheddar cheese and they put about a teaspoon of shredded cheese on this sandwich. Time for the taste test.

While I'd like to say it taste's like shit, I really can't. It just tastes like nothing. There's not enough ham to taste and it just tastes like you're eating a bread sandwich. And while the bread is fresh, there's no taste to it. Just white bread. How fitting.

And now on to the Brother's sandwich. It comes packaged in this black bag. Nice, it almost looks like black leather.

Now that's a goddamn sandwich! It's spilling off the plate!

Inside there's slices of fresh cheddar cheese and piles of ham. And lettuce and spicy mustard to boot. Let's take a taste...

Delicious! And a local business a half a block away from the evil and substandard Subway. I think my point is proved. Now it's time for dessert.

I think I mentioned that Brother's sells beer! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Brother's Candy & Grocery
542 E. 14Th St. (@ Avenue B)
212-473-8308

Further reading: EV Grieve, Dead Tree Media, Endless Gibberish and The Suck Report.

You Might Also Like: Good Morning America, Good Afternoon Mr. Gibson and Goodnight Irene.

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