When Gene and Smoopy of the BBC were here a couple weeks ago, we stopped in for a quick drink at Rolf’s and I noted at the post I was going to come back for an official MAD visit. Tonight’s the night I go out in search of a swizzle stick and I thought that Rolf’s would be the perfect place to go, maybe they even have some sort of a Christmas swizzle! Let’s go see if a holiday miracle happens in the form of a swizzle stick tonight!
It's a rainy, dreary night out, but at least it's not freezing cold, so let's soldier on to Rolf's.
Well, Rolf's certainly can brighten up a dreary-ass night!
A peek inside the front window reveals the blinding Christmas orgy of lights and decorations inside, let's go check it out.
A street sign greets you as you walk in the door to the festive atmosphere.
The bar is crowded for a Tuesday night.
There's no swizzle stick, just a black plastic straw, but that's okay, there's more to see here than a swizzle stick, so let's take a look around.
Here's the back of the bar in all its lit up glory.
Wooden booths line the walls opposite the bar.
And the creepy dolls are still here. Yikes, she's staring at me!
The back dining room is lit up as well. Check out the deer head on the wall, talk about your deer in the headlights!
Here's Santa boozing it up, looks like Rudolph isn't going to be the only one with a red nose tonight.
There's a blowjob joke somewhere here, but I'm not going there.
Here's the lovely Milka, who was picking up an order at the bar. Love her smile!
For a nightcap, I got a glass of Rolf's special eggnog, no swizzle stick, but there is a cinnamon stick, so we'll call it an even trade. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
Okay, I’ve whined in the past about my job and goddammit here I go again, I had a horrible fucking night at work. Tons of “super rush” jobs, pressure, stress, the heartbreak of psoriasis, doom, gloom, a field of screaming babies, tarantulas with bad toupees, lions, tigers and Dick Butkus in a bathtub of warm Aunt Jemima syrup. I’m here to tell you, this was one bad night. It’s over now though and I’m home drinking beer. And “Big Boobs Dating" is following me on Twitter, so I’ve got that going for me. It’s a little after three in the morning and I’ve been trying to think of something to do for tomorrow’s post. Actually, make that today’s post. Well, I was going through my files and found a scan of one of my most fun freelance articles I ever did. I thought I’d post that and some of the pictures that weren’t used and that’ll be today’s MAD.
The article was written for the NY Post back in December of 2007. A friend of mine is an editor at the Post and he called me and told me about a story where someone would put on a Santa outfit and basically be a real life, “Bad Santa.” He said they were having trouble finding someone to do it and wondered if I was interested. I told him I’d love to, went and picked up the Santa suit and talked with the editor I was going to work with on the story and a couple days later I went out with a photographer and we spent the day going to places that the real Santa would never go. We went to a strip club, an OTB parlor, a bar, Hooters and Victoria’s Secret. The published article is below.
The photographer’s name is Liz Sullivan and she was great to work with. Totally fearless. When you do stuff like this, you really have to put things and people around you out of your head and just focus on getting the shot you want and she was great at this. The manager in Victoria’s Secret was screaming at us and I just kept posing with underwear and Liz kept shooting. Then they called the cops on us, so we figured that would be a good time to leave, fast! We didn’t get kicked out of the OTB, but the guys inside weren’t too thrilled to have us in there and after about ten minutes we decided we had had enough. The whole day was a total blast and it was a snap to write. My only regret is they changed the lead line. I was told to write it from the point of view of someone who hates Christmas, but is going to try to go out and enjoy it in spite of himself. So my lead line was: “When it comes to Christmas, I’m ho-ho-hopeless.” Okay, it’s not Billy Shakespeare, but hey, I thought it was pretty good. The line was changed to: “I ho-ho-hate Christmas.”Oh well, that’s life in the freelance world and that’s why I don’t do it much these days.
Liz was nice enough to give me a disc of all the photos she took. Below are a few that the NY Post didn't use.
Subway Santa doesn't need no stinking MetroCard!
Ho, ho, ho! Mary Crimble!
Keying, "I heart Rudolf" in the subway window.
Talking with people and seeing if they were good little boys and girls all year.
And a beer to start the story off.
On the escalator at Victoria's Secret before they called the cops on us.
The hostess at the Lace strip club. She was thrilled that she was going to be in the NY Post and told me to come back with the paper when it was published and we'd party at the strip club. Then the NY Post didn't publish this photo. Thanks, NY Post!
And here we are at Hooters. Walking away from the table I remember saying to the waitress, "Those guys seem like real lunkheads." And she shot back, "Complete and total lunkheads!" Welcome to Hooters!
Here I am with the entire Hooters staff.
This was our last stop, the Off Track Betting Parlor. They weren't too thrilled with us in there.
Shortly after this photo was taken we were met with a chorus of, "Fuck you, Santa, get out of here!" A bunch of Grinches in there, I tell you!
Back at Langan's bar...
Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
When Gene and Smoopy of the BBC were here a couple weeks ago, we stopped in for a quick drink at Rolf’s and I noted at the post I was going to come back for an official MAD visit. Tonight’s the night I go out in search of a swizzle stick and I thought that Rolf’s would be the perfect place to go, maybe they even have some sort of a Christmas swizzle! Let’s go see if a holiday miracle happens in the form of a swizzle stick tonight!
It's a rainy, dreary night out, but at least it's not freezing cold, so let's soldier on to Rolf's.
Well, Rolf's certainly can brighten up a dreary-ass night!
A peek inside the front window reveals the blinding Christmas orgy of lights and decorations inside, let's go check it out.
A street sign greets you as you walk in the door to the festive atmosphere.
The bar is crowded for a Tuesday night.
There's no swizzle stick, just a black plastic straw, but that's okay, there's more to see here than a swizzle stick, so let's take a look around.
Here's the back of the bar in all its lit up glory.
Wooden booths line the walls opposite the bar.
And the creepy dolls are still here. Yikes, she's staring at me!
The back dining room is lit up as well. Check out the deer head on the wall, talk about your deer in the headlights!
Here's Santa boozing it up, looks like Rudolph isn't going to be the only one with a red nose tonight.
There's a blowjob joke somewhere here, but I'm not going there.
Here's Johnny who's a waiter at Rolf's.
And another scary doll looking down at me. These doll's are giving me a Twilight Zone Talking Tina flashback.
Let's go back to the bar.
Here's the lovely Milka, who was picking up an order at the bar. Love her smile!
For a nightcap, I got a glass of Rolf's special eggnog, no swizzle stick, but there is a cinnamon stick, so we'll call it an even trade. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
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