November 20, 2011

Live, from New York, it’s Cheeseburger Saturday Night! Tonight’s host is Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop and featuring the Ready for Prime Beef Player, Marty Wombacher. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop!

It's a rare MAD episode where we venture out in the somewhat upsetting daylight. We're headed to legendary Eisenberg's Sandwich Shop and while they're open till 8PM on weeknights, on Saturdays they close at 6PM, so we'll make the sacrifice of heading out when the sun is still shining to have a cheeseburger at this historical New York sandwich eatery.

And here we are, as the sign says, Eisenberg's has been on the block since 1929.

Here's the front of the restaurant which is a narrow, long shotgun space with a classic counter, red stools and tables opposite of it.

There's a dining area in the back.

But I decide to sit at the counter.

And the lovely Tess hands me a menu. Tess has been working here for close to 4 months and told me she loves it here. It's a friendly neighborhood joint for sure.

Pictures of celebrities who have eaten here hang behind the counter...

And there's lots of them on the wall opposite the counter, let's check some of them out.

Here's Spike Lee and owner of Eisneberg's, Josh Konecky.

MIchael Imperioli and Josh.

A purple bespectacled Tim Allen and Josh.

Jim Belushi and Josh...Belushi...hmmm...that makes me think of something...

Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!

A delicious burger with cheddar cheese, bacon and a really fresh bun.

Super-cute Kelly is manning the front cash register and the bill is paid...

And its out into the night, where it's finally dark out. Hooray! Goodnight and see you tomorrow after dark.

My Meal
I got the Eisenberger, which is a half pound sirloin burger and I got it topped with cheddar cheese and bacon. The burger is grilled over an open flame and was cooked perfectly and served on a bakery fresh bun. A nice, all-American burger, delicious. I got it with onion rings and asked for them extra well done, something that a lot of restaurants and diners just can’t seem to get, but like everything, Eisenberg’s gets it right and they were extra crispy, crunchy and perfect. For my drink I had the chocolate malted which is creamy, smooth and probably the best malted in town.

Eisenberg’s is known for their generous sized sandwiches and there’s over fifty to choose from including: Hot Pastrami, Tuna Salad, Meatloaf and Fried Salami or Bologna. There’s also burgers, soups, eggs and omelettes available on the menu. Beverages include: Egg Cream, Malted, Lime Rickey and an Arnold Palmer. Full breakfast meals and platters are served Monday through Friday till 11 am.

Cheeseburger Rating
Three Wimpy’s—a great burger!

Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop
174 Fifth Avenue (Near 22nd St.)
212-675-5096

Further reading: Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, Midtown Lunch and Roadfood.

She don’t have to be assured of many thing to find,
And she’ll always be there, my love don’t care about time.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photo Album By Gene Rubbico!

Two thirds of the BBC, Gene and Smoopy were in town last weekend and Gene took some great photos. Check them out here: Gene's New York Photo Album.

November 13, 2011

Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night Cheeseburger. Starring, Live Bait with special guest stars, Gene, Smoopy and Kurt and featuring the Ready For Prime Beef Player, Marty Wombacher. Ladies and gentlemen, Live Bait!

As I reported on yesterday's blog, Gene and Smoopy, 2/3 of the BBC are in town and they're coming over to my place for beers before dinner, so it's time to put on my snackologist chef's hat and make a decent snack.

I call it The Cracker Barrel, and it involves all the above ingredients in secret amounts and prunings and it's dusted several times with chili powder. I serve it with onion dip.

And here's the guests of honor, Gene and Smoopy enjoying the snacks and beer.

And through the miracle of the internet, you're spared me taking a wrong turn and getting us moving in the wrong direction for about three blocks. Instead, you're magically delivered right here to Live Bait.

The bar has a southern, bayou theme going on as witnessed by the crocodile in the window.

There's a bar up front, but we decided to sit in the dining room in the back.

And here's the lovely hostess and our waitress waiting to seat and serve us. Like an idiot I forgot to get their names. I had had a few beers by this time, so I'm not really responsible for the rest of this post.

And check out who's at the table waiting to meet us, Kurt, who I originally met at the Coal Yard Bar last summer. Kurt's a photographer from Florida, check out his work here: Kurt Rogers Photography. He came along with his friend Simon who's also a photographer, Check out his photos here: Simon Garnier Photography. Okay, let's check out Live Bait before dinner arrives.

The back dining room has tables in the middle and blue booths line the walls.

A shot of the bar from the back end.

Candygram.

Vintage boat house signage hangs on the wall.

And there's not only neon in the window...

There's also neon on the walls inside of Live Bait.

See?

Okay, back to the table because I sense that dinner is about to be served.

Kurt got the cheeseburger deluxe with fries.

And Smoopy got the same, except got a salad instead of fries.

Being the rebel, Gene ignored the Cheeseburger Saturday Night theme and got the salmon.

I got the house specialty burger, The Bait Burger. And no, that's not a chocolate doughnut on top of it, it's a giant onion ring slathered in barbecue sauce. The burger is made out of spicy sausage.

It's a little sloppy to eat, so I ended up eating it with a knife and fork. Delicious and spicy cheeseburger!

As we were having after dinner drinks, Kurt's friends showed up and like an idiot I forgot to write down their names. I've had more than several beers at this point (I have an email in to Kurt, so be watching for an update naming these lovely women.) It was a great night with great people, thanks to everyone for showing up and enjoying Cheeseburger Saturday Night! **************Update: I just heard from Kurt and that's Natalie directly behind him and Annie is behind Natalie, sorry for the horrible memory, ladies, I blame it on all that acid in the '70's!

My Meal
I got the BBQ Bait Burger, which is andouille sausage, American cheese, topped with a giganzo onion ring and barbecue sauce and it was delicious. The barbecue sauce added a little zing and the bun was bakery fresh. It’s the first cheeseburger I’ve ever had made from sausage and it was a great cheeseburger.

In addition to the Bait Burger, there’s also a deluxe hamburger, a turkey burger and a soy burger on the menu. Some of the other entrees on the menu at Live Bait are: Seafood Jambalaya Over Dirty Rice; Smoke House Dixie Spareribs; Robert E Lee's Chicken Fried Steak and Jailhouse Chili Over Dirty Rice with cheddar and red onions. They also have a raw bar featuring fresh shrimp, clams and oysters.

They have 12 bottled beers and 9 beers on tap. Some of the specialty drinks include: Lynchburg Lemonade, Key Lime Martini and an Oyster Clam Shooter which is a raw oyster, Absolut Pepper vodka, cocktail sauce and tabasco. (Mental note to self: Never type in the ingredients to the Oyster Clam Shooter while hungover. I’m going to go throw up now.)

Cheeseburger Rating
Four Wimpy's, a fantastic cheeseburger!

Live Bait
14 E. 23rd St. (Near Madison Avenue)
212-353-2400

Further reading: Shecky’s, 365 Bars and This.

Baby, it feels like I'm dying,
Now, I swear there's something better than,
Gettin' off on sweet cocaine.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

September 14, 2011

Tonight is Tuesday, which means we go to a bar and see if we can get a swizzle stick. I’m in the mood to go to some place that’s not too crazy, have a couple drinks and just do like my friend the Chillmaster does and chill the fuck out. I decided I’d look for a hotel bar and I found one that sounds perfect, called Bar on 5th in the Setai Fifth Avenue Hotel. New York magazine calls it, “the quintessential hotel bar.” Let’s go see if they’re telling the truth.

And here we go. It's another nice night out tonight, I like this time of year, you don't need a jacket yet but it's not that hot out either.

Scary window display alert! What the fuck kind of toy is that to give to a kid?

Scary window diplay alert number two! Let's call her, Scary Bradshaw.

And here we are at the Setai Fifth Avenue Hotel. Attention P.D.A. couple to the left: There's a hotel right behind you, get a room already.

The bar is right beyond these doors. Let's go check it out.

Holy fuckballs on burnt rye toast! I'm only halfway to the bar and it's noisier than fuck in here and the place is swarming with after work Yuppie assholes in suits and ties. Time to get out and take that lonely walk elsewhere.

I really don't like this part of the city.

It's all souvenir stands with headless mannequins wearing goofy-ass baseball caps.

Okay, we've made it to the Flatiron area and look at this place, it looks promising.

Let's check it out.

A special "Welcome Tuesday" carpet. Nice.

There's a nice circular bar in here and it's nice and dark, I think this qualifies as an "Al approved bar."

And Ashlee, the pretty and friendly bartender serves up the double gin and tonic. No swizzle stick tonight, but after the long walk I've had, I'm happy to have the drink and Ashlee's pretty smile.

A long shot of the circular bar. It's not loud in here and really relaxing. A nice stop.

Check out the mammoth display of lit up bottles behind the bar, impressive!

There's a nice dining area in the back. It's last call, so the place is pretty well emptied out.

A lounge area is located up front, right next to a window overlooking Madison Avenue.

Obligatory mirror shot in round condiment housing thingy on the bar.

Fire! (It's been a while!)

And suddenly...hat's all folks! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow, after dark.

DUO Restaurant & Lounge
72 Madison Ave. (Between 27th St and 28th St)
212-686-7272

Further reading: Jeremiah's Vanishing New York, Eat Big Apple, Open Table, and Urban Spoon.

You Might Also Like: Jelly Rolls, Donut Holes and Dr. Scholl’s.

I've been kicked by the wind, robbed by the sleet,
Had my head stoved in, but I'm still on my feet and I'm still... willin'.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photo By csp!

MAD commenter csp sent in this photo, which he calls, "CBM variant." Aaahhh!

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Bonus Photos of Cheeseburger Saturday Night!

Britta has posted photos and text from last week's Cheeseburger Saturday Night. Check it out here: Justice Girl After Dark II.

September 13, 2011

A few weeks ago, I went out in search of porno magazines for my Monday “Six Pack” night. Tonight I think I’ll go to a late night magazine and newspaper store and pick up some random magazines and write about them. It’ll take me back to my fishwrap days. I remember back when I was publishing and writing fishwrap, I subscribed to about thirty magazines and would take trips to magazine stores and sometimes buy a pile of around twenty magazines to make fun of. But tonight, it’s off for a six pack of magazines and a bit of a fishwrap flashback.

There's a full moon out tonight. Awoooo!

And we head down Sixth Avenue to get a six pack of magazines. Perfect!

The Universal News Cafe. It's open till midnight and it's loaded with magazines.

See what I mean?

Okay, the magazines have been chosen and rung up, let's go home and take a look at them.

OK!
How They Bill Themselves: “The Magazine The Stars Trust.” What that means: It’s ghost written by publicists.
Cover headline: “A Baby At 47.” Wow, that’s one old baby!
Number of Kim Kardashian photos: Seven.
Scary Headline: “Hugh’s Kid-Tossing Workout!” Wow, and we thought dwarf-tossing was scary! Sheesh!

Woman’s World
How They Bill Themselves: “A great week made easy!” What that means: Prozac, Prozac, Prozac!
Cover Story: “Dr. Travis Stork: H2O Dissolves Fat!” Yeah, like I’m going to believe Dr. Seuss’s bastard child about anything!
Number of Kim Kardashian photos: none. But there is one of Angie Harmon, proving that the editor of Woman’s World is 86-years-old.
Article that’s worth buying the magazine for: “Anti-Aging Tricks! Drink Beer To Prevent Alzheimer’s!”
True fact that proves that that article is a lie: I forgot what I was going to type here.

Highlights
How They Bill Themselves: “Fun With A Purpose.” That’s how I describe masturbation.
Number of Kim Kardashian Photos: None, but there are ten scary drawings of The Timbertoes learning to golf.
A Poem In Highlights That’s a Total Lie:
“My Puppy
By Aileen Fisher

It’s funny,
my puppy
knows just how I feel.

When I’m happy,
he’s happy,
and squirms just like an eel.

It’s funny,
My puppy,
knows such a great deal.”

Uh, I hate to be the one to break it to you, Aileen, but your puppy only knows two things: He’s hungry and he wants to dry-hump your left leg. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

¡Hola!
How they bill themselves: “En Su Entrevista Mas Esperada.” Huh?
Cover Story: I’m not sure because I don’t know how to read Spanish, but I think it’s something about how Courtney Love hasn’t aged well.
Number of Kim Kardashian photos: Thirteen. ¡Adiós!

In Touch
Cover Story: “A Wedding To Save The Relationship. Exclusive Photos: Despite Joe’s drunken bullying, Teresa refuses to lose him. Inside their emotional, over-the-top second wedding.” Are you like me right now and are you saying: “Who the fuck are these people and why are they on the cover of a magazine?”
Number of Kim Kardashian photos: Only one. But don’t worry, there’s two of Kourtney, so your $2.99 wasn’t spent in vain.
Photo caption that sums up this magazine: “Anybody got a barf bag?”

Every Day With Rachael Ray
Aaaaahhhh!

Further reading: Philadelphia City Paper, Chicago Tribune, NY Daily News and New York Press.

You Might Also Like: Hair of the Dog, Sick  as a Dog and How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

I tried to keep her on a short leash,
I tried to calm her down.
I tried to ram her into the ground, yeah.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

May 25, 2011

First off I want to put up a link to the latest update from the Chillmaster Dance Party. Goggla posted her photos and a video! Check it out here: The Gog Log.

Okay, it’s Tuesday night, which means it’s the night I go out in search of the ever-elusive glass swizzle stick. The only problem this week is that I’m working the dayshift, so I have to do this shit when it’s still light out, so I can get home and get to sleep to get into work on time. I’ve decided to try the Gramercy Tavern, because it’s an upscale place, they must use swizzle sticks and it’s on my way home. So it’s off we go.

I really hate doing this in the daylight. Plus I was running late this morning, so I haven't showered today and haven't shaved since Sunday and I kind of look and smell like a hobo. I love the word, "hobo!"

Uh, oh, walking by this pile very quickly! Three words: Cardboard Box Man!

I love this vintage Squirt sign in Eisenberg's Sandwich Shop window!

Fuck!

Spinal Tap moment alert!

Oh if only this sign was located in a liquor store!

Jesus, this sign is scarier than the Cardboard Box Man!

Christ, here I am at the Gramercy Tavern and it's filled to the brim with after work people. I really miss my late night crowd. I can't drink in here.

And so it's home I go. This isn't a double gin and tonic, but those are real swizzle sticks, donated by "Boris!" Read more about them in the bonus section below! Goodnight everybody and I'll see you tomorrow in the stinking daylight once again. May this week pass quickly!

Further reading: New York magazine, Menu Pages, Open Table and Danny Meyer on YouTube.

You might also like: Walter, Cron and Kite.

Five Things I Hate About The Sunshine
It’s too bright.
It comes out in the daytime.
And I hate the daytime.
It’s a terrible Jonathan Edwards song.
It’s an even worse John Denver song.

My girlfriend's run off with my car,
And gone back to her ma and pa,
Telling tales of drunkenness and cruelty.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Swizzle Sticks and buttons from “Boris!”
MAD in-house artist, “Boris” sent in two swizzle sticks that are really something special. They’re authentic swizzle sticks from the Chicago Playboy Club! “Boris’s” Dad was a member and this is from his private stash. Thanks to “Boris” for this and for the buttons below.

Here they are, authentic swizzle sticks from the Playboy Club!

Very cool and a great addition to the collection.

"Boris" also sent along these vintage buttons, they're all great, but this one...

Is the greatest! A genuine Jerry Lewis Telethon button! Too cool! My dad's name is Jerry, which makes me one of Jerry's Kids and I've always been pissed I haven't seen a dime from that goddamned telethon! Thanks to "Boris" for this great package!

And here's the whole swizzle stick collection...aaaahhhhh! He's everywhere!

May 8, 2011

Live, from New York, it’s Cheeseburger Saturday Night! With special guests, Jon Hammer, Karen McBurnie and Lex from Canada and featuring the ready for prime beef player, Marty Wombacher. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, all those people and Old Town Bar!

Okay, my friend Lex is in town from Canada (you may remember her from a special guest appearance when I went to Hurley's last year on the bar crawl) and she's coming over and I've also invited Karen and Jon, the masterminds behind, Grade "A" Fancy. They're coming over to my place for a beer or two and then we're headed over to Old Town Bar. And of course, since I have guests, it's time to make another award-winning snack mix! Tonight's snack is a pure popcorn mix, utilizing seven different brands found in far flung exotic popcorn palaces around the world. (Okay, really I got them at Duane Reade.)

And out comes my board-certified snackologist bowl.

I hate to be redundant, there's nothing worse than redundancy, I really hate it. Being redundant really cracks my nerves and sends my spine tingling. As you can see, I hate to be redundant...okay I love being redundant! I love being redundant. I love being redundant. I...okay, I'll stop. The point I'm going to be redundant about is to tell you, please DON'T try this at home unless you're a board-certified snackologist. And I really doubt you are, I mean you can say you are and I won't call you a liar, but I'll definitely think that that you are one. A liar that is, and not a board-certified snackologist like I am. Anyhoo, here we go, carefully adding the popcorn in small amounts, shifting and pruning the snack so it is positioned just so. It helps to be prudent, it really does.

And here's the finished popcorn snack, a beautiful thing!

Due to the fact that I was drinking and not thinking, I forgot to take photos of us enjoying the snacks, but remembered I needed to get a photo before we went to Old Town and here it is. My three guests, from left: Karen, Jon and Lex. They're holding up swizzle sticks that Karen and Jon brought for my collection.

Very cool! And check out the red one in the middle, an official Friars Club swizzle stick! A real gem for the collection, thanks, Karen and Jon!

And here we are at Old Town bar! I love that neon sign!

It's one of the best bars in America, I tell ya! If you don't believe me, just look at the front window.

It's crowded up front, but there's usually tables in the back, let's check it out.

And as sure as shit on a shingle, we got a cozy corner table. Here we are and our friendly and lovely waitress, Pamela got in the picture with us.

I wandered away from the table to get a long shot of the bar.

Here's a shot of Pamela in action.

Happy birthday!

And as we learned last year, all the best bars have tin ceilings!

Back at the table, Karen showed me her bracelet which at first I thought was adorned with subway tokens. Then she told me they were old tokens from Show World! Beyond cool!

The beers have kicked in and it's time for a bathroom break and a good excuse to take a picture of their famous massive urinals.

Here's a poster from when they had the 100th anniversary celebration honoring the urinals. I didn't go, but Jon did and from what he told me the party was a real pisser!

Back to the table and dinner is served! Karen got the sliced steak sandwich...

Refusing to conform to Cheeseburger Saturday Night, John got a cheeseless burger...

Lex got the turkey pastrami and fries...

And sensing that turkey was starting to trend at the table, I got the turkey burger with cheddar cheese. #turkey Everything was delicious and it was a great old time. And then before you know it, it was time to go.

And when you gotta go, you gotta go! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark!

My Meal
The food at Old Town Bar is really good, a couple notches above your standard pub grub. I got the turkey burger and most turkey burgers have a tendency to be dry and bland, but not at Old Town. Mine was juicy and spicy and topped with cheddar cheese and big honking glop of their homemade mustard. Delicious! And the onion rings were great as well. Sadly, no one ordered the hot dogs, sorry, Biff, maybe next time.

Cheeseburger Rating
Three Wimpys

Old Town Bar
45 East 18th St.
212-529-6713

Further reading: Grade “A” Fancy, New York Magazine, Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York and Wall Street Journal.

You might also like: Toilet Paper, Rolling Paper and Paper Magazine.

Five Mothers
Moms Mabley
Mommie Dearest
Mark Mothersbaugh
Mothers of Invention
Motherfucker

You should never smoke in pajamas,
You might start a fire and burn your face.

ARCHIVES

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Bonus Photo!

Lex brought me flowers, which was really nice! Here they are and I thought I'd post a picture of them every week as they slowly wither and die. Lex also brought some bakery cookies which were delicious! Thanks, Lex, great to see you again!