December 21, 2011
Okay, it’s Tuesday night, the night I go out in hot pursuit of a swizzle stick. I haven’t had much luck lately, but I thought of a place that just might have swizzles, The Hard Rock Café in Times Square. It would be a decent little souvenir for a tourist and I’m sure the drinks are overpriced there, so they certainly can afford it. Plus, I don’t think I’ve been in a Hard Rock Café in over a decade, it might be interesting to go and check it out.
Kind of a drizzly, lonely night out here.
Well, things are brighter here in Times Square, let's go check it out.
Welcome to the Hard Rock Cafe.
They have TV sets up here, showing live feeds from other Hard Rock Cafes around the world. What's funny is that there's not much difference in any of the feeds, they all look the same.
Okay, let's go check out the bar.
Wow, it's really noisy in here and it's packed.
No seats here just people yakking on cell phones and staring aimlessly at a big tourist trap.
Goddamn, this part is all filled up too. And there's a bad Genesis song booming over the speakers. I'm beginning to think this was a bit of a mistake.
I finally found an empty seat at the end of the bar.
The bartenders were busy and it wasn't easy to get a drink, but when I did...
No swizzle stick, just a giant black straw. This night isn't going too well.
There's tons of multi-colored lights hanging over the bar and it's kind of giving me a headache.
Alanis Morissette is now blaring over the speakers and on the video screens over the bar. This is really a horrible place.
Save the planet and stop making Hard Rock Cafes.
And suddenly...Bill Wyman's jacket. Well, that certainly makes the trip worthwhile! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.
Hard Rock Café
1501 Broadway (Near 43rd St.)
212-489-6565
Further Reading: New York Magazine, NY Times (check out the snide Peoria reference!) and 360.
As I walk through,
This wicked world,
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.
(Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!)
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Bonus Linkage From Jason Andersen!
MAD reader and commenter Jason Andersen is an artist who just put up a new website. Jason does amazing artwork, go check out his paintings, sculptures and drawings here: Jason Andersen Artwork.
20 Comments
Reader Comments (20)
"kind of drizzly" picture here is my favorite. Those moody desolate NY streets are so cool. Wyman may be joining the Stones for some shows next year. We must be getting old if Stones and Beach Boys are doing 50 year reunion tours. But we all know the real reason these acts do all this,,,,for the cash,,,and yes, they never have enough of it. That surprise link was interesting, was that the original Morrison Hotel in LA?
What a horrible place ! ..... I wouldn't go to a Hard Rock Cafe if you gave me free beer and a wad of cash !
Did you think, "There Will be Perks."? There was just a Bill. Why man?
@Al: I think it is, it's the back cover of Morrison Hotel.
@GENE: I agree, I won't be returning any time soon!
@csp: I wasn't thinking, that's how I ended up there. And there was a bill, but surprisingly low, just $9:15 for a double gin and tonic, so the night wasn't a total loss.
The clientele of the Hard Rock Cafe wouldn't know hard rock if it bit them on the ass.
When I think of all these 50 year reunion tours, It reminds me of the last scene in this classic Tex Avery cartoon for some weird reason...
http://youtu.be/bp0xTbsOoMw
Oh the irony of a "Save the Planet" plastic cup!
I kind of have a soft spot for Genesis, even Phil Collins led, although most of his solo work is pretty awful. Trivia! Where was Sussudio recorded? Answer: In the Stu Stu Studio! -- stolen from either Paul Schaefer or Letterman, I forget which.
My wife got 86'd from the Hard Rock on 57th (does that still exist?) about 20 years ago! It's one of my favorite stories of her.
Least the g&t was cheap!
"Save the planet and stop making Hard Rock Cafes."
I'll second that motion, Marty!
@Jaws: Ha ha ha! Loved that clip, thanks for the link!
@Spike: I don't think the W. 57th Street one is there anymore and I can't wait to hear the story about Mrs. Spike getting tossed out of that place! And yes, that cup is pure irony!
@meleah: I'll third that motion!
Oh my goodness, that looks absolutely dreadful. I am sure it sounded even worse. Glad you survived, Marty!! Yikes!!
Artastic Mr. Andersen.
@Lindsay: Not the best swizzle stick night I've ever had!
@csp: Nice linkage!
in search of the elusive swizzle stick MAD endured "the crowd" and "the noise" two things that (as we all know) usually sends MAD scurryin' up or down the street chasing a swizzle stick in the night...but MAD stuck it out and got a black straw and a glimpse of what some might consider a pedophile's jacket...thumbs up MAD for your intestinal fortitude...
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Mark Twain
rr
@rr: The "pedophile jacket" reference confused me at first and then I remembered that Bill Wyman married a 12-year-old at one point in his illustrious career! Love that Mark Twain quote!
Brave visit. I think you should open a Swizzle Cafe.
@onemorefoldedsunset: That's a good idea! All I need is start-up funds!
I went to the one in Salt Lake City years ago, wearing a Donny and Marie shirt and the hostess, who hadn't noticed, sat us in the Osmond booth. When I pointed it out, they gave me a free shot glass.
I know that's not an exciting story but it's the only thing worth talking about re:the Hard Rock. Their food is overpriced and mediocre.
I saw Donny and Marie in concert once! Also, I thought the Hard Rock declared bankruptcy three times and disappeared? Maybe they just did half of that. Like Donald Trump.
@Biff: Just like cockroaches and Keith Richards, the Hard Rock's refuse to leave this earth.
I was going to come share the same story Britta did in case she hadn't. That is my only Hard Rock memory. Utah loves its Osmonds! And her shirt was pretty awesome. I think Hard Rock is only cool if you're not in a cool city. Like in Utah.
@Britta and kari: To the Osmonds, one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch!